Woohsah...

I have been running myself ragged. Even though I have chosen to take a break from drinking for an undetermined amount of time, I have been staying out late nearly every night. I was actually called a martyr by someone for my actions. I had to look up the definition of martyr to be completely honest. I thought it was a religious reference, turns out the definition of martyr is "One who suffers for the sake of principal." I think that is actually a pretty good description of how I have been acting. I will go out to the bar and just hang out and drink water. I can do this pretty easily most times but it also can be very tempting others. Not drinking has its advantages for sure. No DUI's, watching everyone else get, literally, stumbling drunk, or when douche bags try to start shit or cross the line I have a clear head.

I have been putting myself through a lot of stress too. I have had to realize that there are certain instances where I am maybe exaggerating the seriousness of the situation. I just end up making it harder on myself. I'm doing it on both ends of the spectrum, the good and bad. This has lead to days of excessive stress. I am already acknowledging this flaw, and I am trying to remedy it. In the past I have used physical activity to blow off some steam. I have been on-again-off-again with my running, so occasionally I will have a day where I don't get that release.

Friday wasn't one of those days. I got my release alright, and as I sit here writing now I still feel that release. A group of us went out on Lake Lanier for some wake boarding. I have never been wake boarding before and my goal was simply to make it up on my feet. First session: I went first, 4 attempts and 4 fails, I was already spent. Luckily, for my hatin' ass, nobody else got up either. Second Session: 4 attempts and 4 fails. This time at least I got a little closer, but more importantly I learned to "let it go" (this is a theme in my life right now). I had previously been holding on to the tow rope and plowing through the water, sheer will and determination to get up on my feet. I now know how Lake Lanier tastes a little too well. Third Session: This was it, my arms and shoulders felt like they were slowly being ripped out of their sockets, I had to get on my feet. I had to do it on the first or second try or I wouldn't have the strength left to do it. First attempt, I DID IT! 3 out of 4 attempts, not only did I get up I stayed up for a decent amount of time. I wasn't the only one either, Phillip got up on his first try too. (I stayed up longer though)

Being out on the lake was great. Before we got to the wake boarding we were all just floating in the water relaxing and joking. I finally understood what I had been told about being out on the water. It drains all the BS right out of you, its a micro vacation that lets you escape for a couple hours. I look forward to the next time I can go out, I won't turn it down again. GO AWAY TUBERS! (or we will have to turn N.W.A loose on you again)